Brewster's Pretty Darn Good Impressive Quotes Vol. 2

PJS Note: Tim Brewster recently said the Gophers were "pretty darn good impressive," during a spring game. We love Brewster's ability to string descriptors together. To honor Brewster's rhetorical gifts, we're going to chronicle them here.

Today's entry comes from a Q&A with the PiPress' Bob Sansevere.

Sansevere: Did your relationship with [Houston Texans' coach Gary] Kubiak play a role in [Dominique Barber] being drafted by the Texans?

Brewster: I was in the NFL five years. As you go through the draft and you know somebody, you use that. Gary knows I won't BS him. I don't sugarcoat things. If a guy is a player, I say he's a player. If a guy's a problem, I say what they are.

PJS Comment: Oh, really. Coach Brewster, saying you "don't sugarcoat things" is like me saying I don't pick on you for the fun of it. You, sir, sugarcoat things. And various writers--from lowly bloggers like myself to the local columnists--hammer you for sugarcoating things. It's a vicious cycle.

Here's just one example that comes to mind. Last year before the season began you were justifiably talking up your recruiting class (And you continue to do well in this department). In overselling your class, however, you told Gophers faithful that Harold Howell, the diminutive track star from Florida was probably the next Devin Hester. Here's one of your quotes on Howell, this time from a Q&A with the official UofM sports Web site:

"We are extremely excited and fired up about Harold Howell. Harold Howell is going to return kicks and punts for us. ... Because if we give Harold Howell a crease, if we give that young guy a change, he’s out."

I'm not sure what the difference is between being extremely excited and fired up, but the point here is Harold Howell was a disaster from the first time he touched the ball. He might be lightning quick. But in order to return punts in the Big Ten, one must first me able to catch a floating football with giant athletes storming down the field waiting to level you. Howell didn't have the experience or skill to do this.

So, thankfully for Dom Barber, Gary Kubiak didn't read your "sugarcoating" of Harold Howell's skills last year.

Brewster's 'Pretty Darn Good Impressive' Quotes, Vol. 1

The rhetorical genius that is Tim Brewster was foisted upon us last season. It was, if I might state, the saving grace of an otherwise repulsive season. With this in mind, I feel it is my duty, my calling even, to chronicle for posterity's sake the shear amazingness of Tim Brewster's oratory.

As long as PJS is in existence, and wherever else I might blog, I shall continue to highlight the savant-like poetry that flows through Brewster. Before we get to the first installment, let's review a couple gems from a season ago.

1. Getting Knifed is Good, After All: "I asked them in the locker room after the game, 'Who feels like they've been stuck in the gut with a searing knife?' Brewster said after a 21-16 loss to Iowa. "Everybody did, and I said that's good. That means we've got a chance."

PJS Comment: Not just any knife, but a searing knife. Searing knives are so popular that if you Google "searing knife," PJS' previous coverage of the above quote is on the first page of results. Also, heretofore, I was under the impression that getting 'stuck in the gut' with a knife, any knife, is a bad thing. Wrong.

2. Choking Asses: "We're going to choke their asses out!!!"

PJS Comment: Since I watched Brewster say this (with witnesses, I swear) on the BTN before North Dakota State throttled the Gophers, I've tried to choke an ass. I've taken different angles, grips and approaches. Nothing has worked. Until someone can show me how this is done, I'm going to maintain that Brewster has some freaky side no one, except for perhaps Telly Hughes, cares to really understand.

Special Comment from Dallas Cowboys blogger The Landry Hat: I watched my first and last Gophers game the night I heard their head coach yell the word "ass." The infamous "Choke their asses out" comment somehow got through the world-class news operation at the BTN. My jaw dropped. I wasn't sure if I was watching a college football game or a UFC preview.

3. Very, Very, Good, On The Verge: "I believe this team is on the verge of greatness. We have an excellent group of young men. Very, very excellent. This is a critical stretch of games for us, and we're very very excited to be playing in them. We're trying hard to win. Very, very hard, and I think it's going to pay off Saturday."

PJS Comment: OK, so Black Heart, Gold Pants made this up in the laugh-out-loud fake interview linked above. But tell me the truth now. You believed he really said that, didn't you?

DRUM ROLL PLEASE!

It's now time for Vol. 1 in "Brewster's Pretty Darn Good Impressive Quotes."

Darn Good Impressive: "Our kids are starting to play with an edge a little bit. I think it was a pretty darn good impressive display of defense."

PJS Comment: What's impressive is Brewster's ability to string adjectives together. The quote is from the PiPress after Friday night's Spring Game. I had partially worried that Brewster had learned his lesson from a season ago. Thankfully, he has not, and I'm encouraged that he will continue to provide rhetorical genius in the season and years to come.

*** Please send submissions, along with comments to be published, in future editions of 'Brewster's Pretty Darn Good Impressive Quotes." Email pagingjimshikenjanski@yahoo.com.